Knowing Everything About Nothing and Nothing About Everything
I don’t know you, but gosh, I do not like you. *Tsk tsk*, nope, not one bit. I’m never close enough to even see the color of your eyes, but you must smell. You also must be a creeper since I’ve been told by more than one person that you may or may not have happened to be shoved into the girl’s locker room once by bullies. It’s true, the bullies can’t push that hard. And I know my facts!
I’ve only ever seen you around campus, and I think I’ve heard some nasty stories about you, but since I’m a freethinking individual, I’m not taking these stories as truth.
No, no, I’m listening to them, digesting them and making them my own truth. It’s the difference between eating a store-bought apple pie or buying the pie and claiming I know exactly how it was made. I have no foundation for these opinions or these accusations, but by golly, MY VOICE SHALL BE HEARD! Heaven forbid my unjustified opinions go unsaid!
The thought process above was brought to you by the general populace and sponsored by many Houghton College students.
Are you feeling frustrated? Depressed? Have a professor who says perverted things in class or makes favorites? Not ever actually had this professor for a class? Not even sure what this professor looks like besides the fangs and purple teeth that your friend described to you? Then man, do you have a right to be upset! Fight the man, man!
Does that one kid who wears tweed jackets and hangs out with the notorious “Silly String Huffers” on campus make you feel uncomfortable? Do the unconfirmed rumors of this kid spying on people from behind their shower curtains give you the willies? Then you, opinionated individual who has spent no time in this guy’s vicinity, have every right to stop everyone from befriending the poor sap. Let your unjustified “truths” about this man be heard!
Are you a connoisseur of the finest Ramen noodles and Easy Mac? Do you spit on people who eat foods that tingle the taste buds with exotic and original zest and flavor? Do lunchtime discussions turn to your rants on how bad the cafeteria soup is? Have you, important witness to these disgraceful additions to mealtimes, ever even sampled the food or combinations that you so rampantly and vehemently rail against? Don’t let me stop you, the people have a right to know!!
I think you get my drift by now. This is a satirized preview of my Star opinion piece for next week. If you read this and became offended, I think you need to reassess. If you read this and found it humorous, you see these qualities in yourself or know people like this. Respond how you will, the real deal will be coming next week.