For Those Who Wait…
The internet has become like that relative who you see really often, you love them, but you just don’t like being around them very much.
You see them at Christmas, birthdays, summer picnics… They knit you a sweater you don’t like (orange and olive-green zig-zag stripes) and in return, you send them all your stale Christmas cookies, insisting they were “the very best in the batch.” You keep in touch enough to remind them you love them, but you never let that distance close too far. Otherwise, next thing you know they’re knocking on your door in the middle of March for “no reason, they were just passing by.” They live thirty minutes away. You’re in a bathrobe with no excuse to leave the house. Darn it all.
I love using the internet. It has neat things on it. It keeps me connected with the people I love, it keep me informed as to the events and news of the world and helps me to reach out in cool ways that wouldn’t be quite as effective with pen and paper. People assume that they are gods on the internet because they have some followers – I just assume I’m mediocre with nothing to say and appreciate the people that keep up with me. (I love you, I do. Don’t forget that.)
Then, about three days ago, I was speaking with a dear man and gave him some advice regarding his life. In short, I told him if he doesn’t start building certain skills and taking on responsibility in his personal life, life in the workforce will be very difficult.
As I lay slumped in my Ikea lounger with my chin on my chest and my laptop perched lazily on my sweatpants-clad legs, I realized I was the biggest hypocrite I know. I may not want to see the internet as often as I do, but unless I start disciplining myself now and building the habit of writing in a scheduled manner on my blog, I might as well start packing up some provisions for my future career. It will have a very long hike.
So here I am, and I’m asking you, my dear (and few) readers to keep me accountable. I will be updating my blog on Tuesday and Thursdays with an occasional post on a random day of the week. It has been far too long since I’ve written and I am determined that I will accomplish this goal for both myself and for you.
I am a junior in college. I am no longer carefree and light-hearted about the distant future. All future seems right in my face, handing me vouchers for careers and household duties and financial responsibilities and trodding on my toes and insisting that these are limited time offers. If I don’t call for their resources NOW, I will miss out on everything that life is about. One of these future apparitions holds up a mirror and sneers: I’m grey, sagging and surrounded by a thousand screaming, drooling children. An empty folder labeled “Hopes, Dreams, Writing Samples” is laying open on a desktop piled high with overdue financial statements and flyers for offers I passed up when I was a foolish college girl. I face my future self and am suddenly filled with chilling terror, scanning the scene for any sign of hope, of relief, of a chance to go back and make things work. A child vomits in my lap while another starts chewing on a lamp cord.
It’s at this point I wake up and touch my face to make sure it doesn’t resemble sharpei. My desk is clean, my computer glows softly in the half-dark of my dorm room. It’s enough for me, this simple existence. I don’t know where the future is leading, but heaven knows I’m not going to keep letting days pass without accomplishing anything of note. I’m not looking to convert the masses or save the world – I just want to make a future, live life in a fuller manner and do the things that I love because I love them before I have to do them for someone else. I have the power to take my heart in my hands and mold it into a foundation for something even better than anything I’ve done up to this point.
This is my beginning. This is the New Year of my writing. Stay with me, for you all help me to be strong. I don’t mind writing for myself, but I want to write for you. What do you want to see from me?
Starting gun out, I’m crouched down and ready to push off. Let’s get going.