13 Things Pirates 3 Taught Us

My father and I went to the 8:00 preview of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End several weeks ago. The movie, while entertaining, was a bit too long and tended to focus on the monotonous and unimportant. The soundtrack made my heart sing, and as usual, I came away with the basic 13 things that the movie can enlighten us about. These may just change your life. May. Don’t count on it.

1. A gun can indeed be used as a club.
               – While suggested by Ragetti after every-body’s gunpowder gets wet, it is indeed a solution and was used later in the movie to defeat a raggedy crew of miscreants.

2. Part of the ship, part of the crew
– Some might say this is admirable sentiment considering loyalty was a large part of the pirate code. However, when your body is literally imprisoned with coral and algae, you really are a part of the ship. Being a part of the crew cannot be helped! Poor Bootstrap… All those barnacles and nowhere to go. *tear*

3. Pirates will be pirates.
           – Don’t give me that dirty look and call in Obvious-man. It’s not my fault. All I know is that at this assembly of pirate lords, supposedly meeting in peace and brotherhood, they get into a brawl. Broken glass, a sad display of violence. That was the only plausible conclusion to the madness. And look, they went to war! Huzzah for Keith Richards.

4. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.
             – No, I didn’t just recently watch The Godfather. The “friends” in this movie are not very good friends, everyone for themselves and striving for “good business”. Will Turner, the bastard. Braggart…. however you want to say that he acts ignominiously (thank you, Latin word parts). The best people were the enemy, being the most powerful and happening to go to the highest bidder.

5.Contrary to popular belief, when having to perform a verbal ritual in the same manner you might talk to a lover, Barbossa fails.
– Unless all of his past lovers were large burly men who needed a pirate presence to feel adored, I would feel quite isolated from him. Please! No tenderness. None. No wonder she attacked their ship with about 3,000,000 crabs.

6. The measure of a man is the size of his spyglass.
       – The one running gag in this film that made me smile was the competitive bout between Barbossa and Jack. Giving orders, Standing at the helm… but most definitely, superiority can be gained by possessing the biggest spyglass. It reminded me much of the cricket in Men in Black. Baby gun.

7. When being a pirate, always stick to your last name only.
            – Thanks to Wiki, I found out a while ago that Barbossa’s first name is Hector. Hector? What, did he escape from a pratty boys’ school to piracy? You have to be kidding. Hector? Who were his parents? It’s just as bad as a boy named Sue. Heck, (good nickname) he was probably picked on by the pirates with names like “James” and “Scarbeard”. And what about “Barsidious”? But Hector? The crew snickers as they sit down to afternoon rum. *Phbbt*
Hector? *giggle*

8. Undead monkeys make really swell cannon fodder.
– Undead monkey + live pirate = bloody pulp of a face. Monkey = still undead. Problem solved.

9. Large crab claw for an arm = power and a reign of terror.
  – Enough said.

10. A man of the sea will die by the sea.
– Davy Jones’ death was only worthy of a man of the sea. For pity’s sake, that man WAS the sea. Or was he in love with the sea? Or was it a woman like the sea… Maybe we’ll never know.

See? Sea.

11. Don’t give up the ship. However, if it crumbles beneath you in a fiery blast of singed splinters and all the remains of any calm wit is your ashen, mumbling captain, you might want to reconsider.
Do I really need to explain?

12. Pirate Kings should never be women.
We can’t drive, they make jokes about us, we are a minority in politics and sports… Suffragettes. And here, Lizzy makes her stand. But please, to be blunt, she sucks! Yeah, get us all sucked into a maelstrom. Smooth….

13. Do what you want, ’cause a pirate is free… YOU are a pirate.
Well, that just about concludes it. Even those (Will in the first) who might deny the fact or blatantly bite and kick to get away from the truth always get hit with that brutal reality… You, whether you like it or not, are a pirate.

 Well, we gotta put ’em in the lifeboat ’till he’s sober.
Oops….  um, captain? We lost the lifeboat.




About SisyphusFalls

I have been writing ever since I could read, and before that simply using my imagination. I write, think and love deeply.

Posted on July 6, 2007, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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