Monthly Archives: December 2011
When you’ve got the space, what’s stopping you?
It’s only been a week since my fiancé asked me to marry him, quietly and tenderly in our library at my house. It was peaceful and simple and he apologized for not being a very ceremonial man. I told him no need for apologies, as I’m not a girl who requires a lot of ceremony. I don’t need a big diamond or a huge house or a princess dress or my name written in the sky. I just want the man who I love, who has become my best friend, my confidant, half of my heart, to look me in the eyes and ask me to spend the rest of my life with him because he wants no other. And all I needed to do was say yes.
So I did.
Well, we’ve got less than a year to plan a wedding. Venues are booked up quickly, and especially when we’re looking to be married on Labor Day weekend, we’ve got a lot of work to do. Once we get a venue, we can book a DJ, catering, anything else we need. We have to rush to try and find a place that will accommodate everyone (not a huge wedding, but I have a big family) and allows us to not serve alcohol and not break the already struggling bank. We’ve got logistics to work out with people coming in from out of town and lodging and travel time. I’ve spent the past week with my parents looking at venues, discussing pricing, sending emails and facing some disappointments. Dad had mentioned briefly the idea of using our own relatively spacious backyard, but I had somewhat brushed the idea aside. The thought of having a wedding at home was initially tacky, and I didn’t like it.
But the more we’ve gone through our options, and the more I’ve felt frustrated at plans and numbers and picking a spot, why not just use one place that means the most to me in the world?
A while ago, I wrote a post about home and what it has meant to me. When my parents first put the house on the market, it severed a large part of me in two. This is the only home I can remember, the home that I made friends and grew up in and went through all stages of my childhood. I’ve made my memories in this house and to think of it being taken from my life, from the lives of my children someday… I’m already getting emotional just rehashing it. But the potentials that selling would provide for my parents are really exciting. It’s a chance for them to start something new, away from debt and the city and noise. I want to be a part of that, and I’ve accepted the fact that it will be sold someday and I’m coming to terms with that more and more each day. But then why not, as a final mark on this house in my heart, just have the wedding in the backyard?
Many people don’t have the room or girls have the huge checklist since the day they were born about their dream wedding and their dream dress and their dream groom. I have the only man I want to love, I have a dress that fits me like a glove and speaks to me, and I have friends and family and love. Why in the world would I need a venue that means nothing to me? It may be beautiful and it may be somewhere new, but that’s catering to others. My desire for beauty and the desire to please my guests fuels the need to be somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere set apart. But it’s my wedding and my heart is here. I wanted an outdoor, natural venue that had trees and beauty and calm. I have it right here. I have a house that I grew up in, a yard that I played in as a kid, trees that I climbed and people nearby who have helped me grow into the woman I am. All I need is a tent, food, music and the people I love. I’m not a girl of conformity and rigid tradition, and I’m not a girl of grand ceremony. I don’t need the princess dress and the spotlight and the flair. I just want the man I love and the people I love in a place that I love. That’s all I need.
I don’t know if it will happen or if it’s even a serious possibility. It would be a lot to ask of my parents to realistically look at these plans. It would mean postponing the sale to ensure the house wouldn’t get sold, it would mean delaying the movement of the future, it would mean a lot of work to make this all go smoothly. But if I could, I definitely know my heart.
Happy New Year, everyone. I’m sure I’ll have a New Year’s post at some point and I need to fill you in on the matters of my engagement, but when I have something on my mind I need to send it out there.
And there is so much on my little mind.
Sometimes, all it takes is the promise of what was supposed to happen to reinforce the reality of what already has happened and what will continue on even when plans fall short and expectations are not fulfilled.
In the words of John Abruzzi, “Maybe the Beatles were right… Maybe all you need is love.”